Ryan Reynolds knows everyone would like to do dirty, dirty things with him — but he’d still like to keep the language PG, OK?

The 39-year-old Canadian heartthrob gets his fair share of sexual, strange, and just generally inappropriate messages on his Twitter account, and lately he has taken to responding in the funniest way possible.

Instead of just ignoring these ladies (and men) when they ask him to do unspeakable things to their bodies, Ryan politely declines, offering up sweet, wholesome excuses. 

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At your service! Ryan Reynolds has taken to answering fans on Twitter who send him obscene messages and sexual requests

Totally joking: The hunky actor pretends to take requests like ‘murder my vagina, kind sir’ very seriously

RSVPing ‘no’: He treats the tweets as if they’re not totally inappropriate, answering with G-rated responses

Good guy: He references his ‘dying’ grandma and his niece’s baptism

Some of the obscene requests aimed at the silver screen star are quite straight-forward. This summer, one fan asked Ryan to ‘f*** me until I die’, while another wrote quite nicely, ‘please, by all means, do murder my vagina kind sir.’

As BoredPanda pointed out, Ryan responded equally politely to both, telling the first that he’d be unable to do so because he was ‘washing Kirk Cameron’s feet with liquid prayer’. 

To the second, he said: ‘Sorry, just holding my infant niece in my arms for her baptism right now.’

In all his responses, he comes up with pure, innocent reasons that he’s too busy to join his Twitter fans, perhaps to embarrass them — but more likely just to make his other followers laugh.

Sometimes, he cheekily reminds these fans who fantasize him that he’s also a grandson, and maybe they should get their minds out of the gutter.

Helping hand: He juxtaposes the totally inappropriate messages with sweet, innocent things he’s doing, like saving the dolphins

If you must… Some of the tweets don’t even sound that pleasant, sexually

Those straight answers are also perhaps the only ones a man can reasonably give when asked to do the obscene, over-the-top things Ryan’s fans ask of him.

When one woman, strangely, asked him to shove a chopstick up a very private place, he answered: ‘Sorry, just trying to get this wild dolphin untangled from fishing line.’

Another fan threw out this anatomically impossible request: ‘Shove your a** so far up my a** it comes out my ear.’

Ryan, sweetly, replied: ‘Just saying goodbye to my Nana. Any moment now. #WithTheAngelsSoon.’  

Weird: It’s unclear if the Twitter requests or serious or trolling

Ryan has been answering them all kindly with straight-toned responses

Not nice! He also references religion, possibly to make the Twitter users feel guilty

A few days before the faked grandma death, he’d told another fan: ‘Oops, I’m just helping my Nana take her diabetes medication right now.’

He brings religion into the equation, too, telling a woman who wanted him to ‘kick me in the boobs and drag me across the pavement’ that he couldn’t at the moment because he was ‘currently lost in prayer’.

One might wonder who, exactly, is tweeting such strange and disturbing requests to Ryan in the first place. That was certainly on the mind of one fan, who asked him, ‘I’ve got to ask, what does your wife say about all these very explicit “fan requests” you get? They ask for f***ed up s***.’

‘Pretty sure it’s my wife writing most of those,’ Ryan answered back, jokingly referring to Blake Lively. ‘Sounds like her.’

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What would Blake say? Ryan is married to actress Blake Lively, who is expecting their second child

Bedroom games? When a fan asked about the obscene tweets, Ryan joked that they were coming from Blake

Hilarious! Ryan’s known for his funny tweets, which are often about his daughter James

On Monday, he also gave a not-too-serious hint and what having sex with him is really like — and while it’s certainly not as violent as some of his fans have suggested with their tweets, it’s not exactly hot and sexy, either.

‘It’s difficult… but not impossible to make love while singing MMMbop,’ he wrote.

Ryan’s known for his incredibly funny, tongue-in-cheek tweets — particularly those he writes about his infant daughter, James.

‘After this morning’s diaper, my daughter finally earned the teardrop tattoo on her face,’ he tweeted in June, referencing the fact that in some gangs, men get teardrop tattoos on their faces after killing someone.